I awoke one morning to some familiar sounds. There was some gasping, moaning, grunting, and groaning. I rolled over and opened my eyes to only suffer from that morning fog. The room was blurry but I could tell the door was open; I figured our friends were going at it again and I was half correct. As I finished rolling over, and my blinks cleared the morning haze from my vision, I saw Carl on his side, right behind Rex. Carl was holding Rex’s leg up near his chest and was kissing his neck. He noticed my movements and looked over at me. Our eyes locked and he stared into me yet what I saw there wasn’t Carl. It was a beastly, carnal, animal I hadn’t seen or experienced within him before. We had sex before but every time Carl was still there and in control of himself. This time, his eyes were flat and empty, possessed by his lust, his desire, his drive…that is what was in control this time. That stare pierced right through into my depths and jarred me. There was an instant shift in me, a sudden and piercing moment and I knew that it was time for me to leave.
I got up and moved toward the bathroom; I needed a few minutes to gather my thoughts so I could plan my next steps. I finished up in there and then quickly gathered the few things I had with me, exited that house for the last time, and drove away. I had several conversations afterwards with Carl and could still never quite understand his line of thinking and how this made him feel. I didn’t want to hear, I was too focused on my part of the story to grasp it. I never would until just recently.
It was a couple of months ago and it was a night unlike any other night. I was actually going out for drinks, for a change. My friend Fredi was on his way over with drinks and we would later go and have more at the club, dance, and have a great time. It was going to be a night for the books.
We certainly did all of those things. Fredi arrived with one of those blue, 24-pack cases of Modelo beer he likes so much and we downed it in just a couple of hours. My boyfriend, Brandon, came home from work right before we left and declined our invitations to join us. We left and went to one of those typical clubs that plays loud music and everyone grinds to and lost ourselves that night. Well, I certainly did. I succumbed to the lights, the music, the drinks that broke down my barriers. Last call, and everyone started pairing up as if the next morning wouldn't come. I didn’t care, I had someone at home waiting for me. Fredi, on the other hand, struck out that night and couldn’t manage to find anyone to go home with so I let him come home with me. The plan was he would crash on my couch and sleep off the booze before going home. But, that didn’t exactly happen.
Fredi and I got home to Brandon asleep on the bed. I was still riding the buzz from the Jack and Cokes I bought from the bartender in the black shirt at the dance club and wanted to keep riding it. I grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and opened it before pouring a glass for myself and for my friend. It wasn’t much, but we completed the bottle and I again started to lose myself a bit. I looked over to the bed, I really needed to go lay down, but the next thing I knew my knees were to my ears and I was looking right into Fredi’s eyes. They were flat and empty, taken over by an animal of lust, desire, and drive. I had seen this animal before and I knew it well. I heard a noise over on the bed from where we were and looked over just in time to see Brandon rolling back over. He was now pretending to be asleep, like he hadn’t seen what was going on. Fredi and I finished our interaction and he went to sleep on the couch and I went to sleep on the bed.
The next morning I awoke to an empty bed. Brandon had left early in the morning and taken most of his things. His half of the closet with his designer suits and shoes was missing. His white toothbrush and purple mouthwash were gone, missing from the countertop.
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